My first love note…

I remember my first love note.  It was in 2nd grade and it went something like this, “ Heide you are cute and I want to kiss you on the lips” Smile   I remember feeling so completely embarrassed!!  Have you ever been in that situation?  At that moment you want so bad to make eye contact with that boy across the room but you can’t!  You can’t show that you liked it.  Of course you think he’s cute too.. but a rule is a rule..Boys are disgusting in 2nd grade! They are not to be looked at, talked to, or heaven forbid touched!!  As the school day goes on you can’t help but start liking how that note made you feel.  You actually love how it made you feel.  Somebody wrote that love note just for you!  Somebody knows how to spell your name!  Somebody loves you!  You start to walk with your head a little higher and a spring in your step. You are suddenly the queen in the classroom.  Everyone should bow down to you.  From that day on all you can think about is the next love note.. What will it say this time?  Life is exciting and you are loved.  You are special and beautiful. Then it happens. One day you rush to your desk and there isn’t a note waiting for you.  Your heart sinks, you feel rejected and downright miserable. The tears begin to well up and your throat gets tight.  Life doesn’t look so great anymore.  School becomes school again.  You suddenly realize you aren’t quite as loved as you thought. You start to question what is wrong with yourself and wonder why he doesn’t love you anymore.

Have you ever felt that way about God?  Kind of like one minute he knows your name and loves you, and the next minute you start to question if he really loves you as much as you thought he did?  One minute he’s sending you everything you ask for, and the next minute you’re not sure he’s even listening?  One minute your life is going along like you planned, and the next minute he allows those plans to be shattered?

This blog is about God’s love.  This blog is about the love notes, tender mercies that are available to all of his children, even at times when we think they are not there.  Love notes that are sent to us in moments when we need to know that we are loved and that he is keenly aware of every detail of our lives. They do not occur out of coincidence or at random times.  They come to us as reminders that he does know our name and he does have a plan for each one of us.  It may not always be our plan.. but it is his plan for us.  He knows what we need and sees the big picture when we can’t.  He sees our potential!

How do I know this?  I know this because I have been in a Storm where it is blurry, dark, and unbearable.  I have felt the intense physical pain that is so relentless that there are days when you cannot move. Those grief stricken days when you feel like if you let it out or start to cry you will fall apart forever.  I have felt what it is to have my faith tested to it’s limits.  I have felt the loneliness when no one knows exactly what you are going through.  I know how the Atonement works now.. and not just for my sins.  I understand what it feels like just to try to breathe as you watch in anguish as your children suffer, wishing that you as their mother could take away their pain,..but learning over and over that only the Savior can do that..  I now know without a doubt that God doesn’t leave us alone in our time of need.  He has shown me that he is aware of me in so many ways that I cannot deny it. There is always something good around us to let us know he’s there.  It doesn’t matter if we think we deserve it or not. Sometimes the love notes come as simple small things.. other times they come through others who are put in our path to help us.

We don’t have to be perfect to be able to see them.  We just have to want to see them.  We have to turn to him and not away from him.. but love notes are always there.

This is my Storm.  These are my Love notes from God..